I live in rural America where silos stand tall against the skyline of farm ground and small towns. They are practical structures, useful for storing grain and keeping things contained. Yet the word silo has taken on another meaning as well: separation, isolation, disconnection.
Silos came to mind recently while I babysat my two grandsons, ages three and one. The older grabbed a toy from the younger, who immediately screeched in protest. Just as quickly, the older one burst into crocodile tears.
When I asked why he was sad, he said his brother had yelled at him and hurt his feelings.
This exchange surprised me. In isolation, I understood why the younger brother screeched when his toy was taken away. What I didn’t understand–at least at first–was the older brother’s wounded feelings. To make sense of it, I had to look beyond each siloed reaction and see how the two experiences connected.
I notice similar patterns far beyond the toddler world.
Recently, I became aware of a different perspective in a rival relationship at work. From my silo, it felt as though a colleague had betrayed me, didn’t enjoy working with me, and may even have tried to take over parts of my role.
But when we had an honest conversation, another story emerged. In her silo, she may have felt similar betrayal, dislike, and overstepping. Only when we placed our stories side by side did the connection become clear. When we stayed siloed in our own perspectives and pain, distance grew and our work suffered. Yet with open sharing, something shifted. Reconciliation and productivity began to move forward together.
I suspect I am not alone in seeing this play out.
A loved one recently shared her reaction to a text thread. From her siloed view, confusion quickly turned into the sting of accusation. Later, as more context surfaced, the perspective of the other person came into view as well. She felt desperate and hurried without support.
Without pausing to empathetically look at the connection between the two circumstances, it would have been easy for both people to remain in their separate silos. Each more hurt and alone than ever. Bigger walls of resentment could quickly be built. The distance between could grow.
By simply focusing on one’s own perspective only, the chance for a broken relationship grows exponentially.
It has only taken me five decades to recognize the quiet damage of living a siloed life. When I focus only on my own perceptions, feelings, and understanding of the situation, I limit my ability to see the true picture. I can’t fully know what another person is going through or how she experiences the same moment. Even my most sincere attempts at understanding fall short of the truth of her reality.
Perhaps this is where grace becomes essential.
Grace leaves space for the possibility that I do not have the full picture. It invites me to ask clarifying questions, to listen more carefully, and to share honestly without assuming I already understand.
When I approach the world this way, things wound me less deeply. Offense loosens its grip. And sometimes, the walls of the silos begin to thin just enough for connection to find its way through.
Thank you for sharing. Open and honest conversations are so important in balanced and thriving relationships.