I never thought sandwiches would profoundly teach me a lesson about boundaries.
Lunch was ready. Everyone had contributed something: three types of bread, two kinds of meat and three cheeses. As people began building their sandwiches, I was shocked by my internal reaction.
The kids preferred plain sandwich bread over my brioche or ciabatta options. Several chose summer sausage instead of the roasted turkey I brought. Normally, I wouldn’t have paid any attention to what people selected.
This time was different.
I’ll share the ugly truth of what went through my mind. I felt hurt when my options weren’t selected. I felt resentful that no one told me they wanted something different when I announced what I planned to bring. My hair bristled at the idea that they weren’t doing it the way I wanted them to.
The realization stopped me in my tracks
As I mentally talked myself off the ledge, I began to see what was happening. The choices being made around the table weren’t about me. Each person was simply expressing a preference. They were quietly communicating what they liked and what they didn’t. In a sense, they were setting boundaries.
To accept those boundaries, I first needed to acknowledge that their choices weren’t a reflection of my worth or the value of what I brought to the meal. Their preference for one bread over another didn’t diminish what I offered. My contribution was genuine and appreciated nonetheless.
I had never considered accepting other people’s choices as a way of respecting their boundaries. Yet there it was, laid out between slices of bread and pieces of cheese. They had the right to choose without my judgment, and I had a responsibility to let them. The only thing asked of me was my own contribution and a willingness to participate in the meal.
The lesson extends far beyond lunch
Too often, I make other people’s choices about me rather than accepting them as their own. I assign meaning where none exists. I form opinions and judgements that are not mine to make.
Perhaps life is simpler than that.
We each bring what we have to offer. We respect the boundaries of others. We allow people the freedom to choose. And always, we let love win.