Good Job, Self: Lessons in Self-Compassion from My Grandson

My grandson, Bowe, will be turning two soon and is becoming much more verbal, stringing two and three words together. During a recent day together, we were playing with a ball in the backyard. He would run up to the ball, stop, and look up at me with bright eyes and say, “Bowe kick.” With a nod of encouragement from me, he would kick the ball, clap his hands and exclaim, “Good job, Bowe.”

This positive, third-person encouragement made me smile. He repeated this ritual several times, celebrating a variety of toddler-sized accomplishments. As his Gigi, I constantly shower him with “Good job, Bowe” affirmations, so he’s no stranger to external praise. Yet, it amused me to watch him praise himself so freely and enthusiastically.

Unlike my grandson, I am often my own harshest critic. My internal self-talk tends to be more negative, driven by an unrelenting pursuit of unrealistic expectations. Being gentle with myself often feels like a challenge. This tendency was recently underscored in an assessment I completed, which recommended that I practice greater self-compassion and work on nurturing my own self-regard. 

It struck me that I could learn something from Bowe. What if I took a moment to mentally say, “Good job, Roxanne” instead of dwelling on what I didn’t accomplish? What if I clapped for myself and acknowledged the things I am proud of each day, instead of looking for external praise? Perhaps it would help me build self-regard if I paused during difficult moments to extend compassion to myself instead of expecting perfection. 

I wonder how many others, like me, fall into the trap of negative self-talk. Are the words we use for ourselves as kind as the ones we use for those we love? What if we made it a habit to offer more praise than criticism to ourselves? A simple,, “Good job, self” paired with lavish self-compassion, could go a long way toward softening those inner voices.

Bowe reminds me that it’s okay to celebrate small victories and speak kindly to myself. Maybe that’s a lesson we could all embrace–offering ourselves the same encouragement we so readily give to others.