I’ve often heard it said that anger is a secondary emotion–a shield hiding something deeper. One person even described it as another emotion’s bodyguard. When I’m sad, I sometimes mask that vulnerability with anger. When I feel hurt, my first response is often anger.
For me, anger shows up when life doesn’t turn out the way I hoped, when circumstances resist my plans, or when people aren’t who I expect them to be. Disappointment and fear spark anger. Frustration grows when my efforts feel thwarted.
But here’s a question I’ve been wrestling with: Is hatred also a secondary emotion? Is it anger’s cousin? Does it, too, act as a bodyguard shielding even more vulnerable feelings?
When I think of the time I came closest to hate, I realize it started with a wound–so deep it festered into resentment. Over time, that resentment grew until I started to see another person as my enemy. In truth, my anger and near-hatred were covering a mother’s broken heart. Someone I trusted had hurt my son. A friend had failed to be who I needed her to be. I felt betrayed.
As I’ve reflected, I see how hatred protects fear. I hate you because I fear how different you are. I hate you because I’m afraid your beliefs might cause me to compromise mine. I hate you because change terrifies me. In my own situation, I moved toward hate because I was afraid to watch my son be excluded, afraid to see him hurting, and afraid of being powerless to stop it.
The more love, the more love
The Bible tells us, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.” Hinduism, Buddhism, and Eastern philosophies echo this truth: love overcomes fear. It is a universal spiritual principle. If fear gives rise to hate, then love has the power to dissolve it.
So I will choose love. I will remember how loved I am and remind others how deeply they are loved. I will focus on expanding love in my interactions, even when it feels hard. As a wise woman once told me: the more love, the more love.
In the end, one truth remains steady and sure: love wins.