I received an email with a response that didn’t match my expectations. A calendar invite had been declined by someone I thought needed to accept. Instantly, judgement and blame swirled in my head. Old offenses surfaced. I felt separate from them, and they became the “other.” Conflict had begun, and its roots quickly spread through my heart.
Lately, I’ve been reading a book that challenges everything I believe about conflict and how I see the world. It introduces a systems approach– a reminder that I am part of a larger whole. Every part of the system is connected and interrelated. When I interact with other people, we’re tied not only through the system but also emotionally. Instead of viewing people as separate from me, this perspective shows a network where every person and circumstance are linked. When one part shifts, the entire system shifts.
From conflict to connection
So, I chose to shift. First, I offloaded my mental and emotional baggage. I acknowledged the hurt I carried and then let it go. I focused on grace and forgiveness. It wasn’t perfect or immediate, but it was the adjustment I needed to see them differently.
Then, I prayed: Help me see this person as God’s kid, deeply loved. Not “other,” but the same as me. My lens changed. I began to view each person as valuable, doing what she believed was right–just like me. I realized not everyone approaches a situation the way I would. People hold different opinions, but those differences don’t divide us; they reveal how each plays a necessary role in the same system.
Finally, I changed my method of communication. Instead of another email, I had a face-to-face conversation. Our humanity emerged–no longer characters on a screen but people connecting. In a kind, concise way, I asked for what I needed. To my surprise, I wasn’t met with conflict but with a constructive, helpful response. A small shift in me allowed the system as a whole to function more healthily–impacting us all for the better.
If a simple shift in one person can ripple through an entire system, then each of us has more power than we realize. Choosing grace and connection over judgement doesn’t just change me–it changes us.