Title
Roxanne Converse-Whiting
I feel the weight of the bar on the soft fleshy part of my back just below my neck. It’s cold, but I am hot. It feels heavy. I’m not sure I can do it. Pushing the cloud of doubt from my mind, I will my legs to bend into a squat. And, then I slowly, shakily stand. I did it.
My son, a physical trainer and collegiate football player, assisted me in maxing out with three lifts: squat, deadlift and bench press. I was nervous and curious. Wondering what the maximum amount of weight was that I could handle, I was afraid of my breaking point.
Lately, life has felt a bit heavy. Perhaps it’s the circumstance of having to wait for a significant medical procedure. Or, like a dear friend mentioned, I may be struggling to keep the winter blues at bay. Maybe my personality struggles with having plans changed, calendars cleared and the solitude of quarantine. Friends and neighbors, my grandson, another precious little one, and a friend’s teenage son are struggling with sickness, and the weight of not being able to fix it is tremendous. I don’t want to know how much I can handle, nor do I want to find my breaking point.
A popular hit song sings through my mind, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I know this is true. It is the struggle that brings the greatest opportunities for growth. However, knowing the burn is going to make the muscles stronger doesn’t make the lift any easier. The work must still be done.
My son reminded me that the posture and the mindset is important. When doing a squat, he told me to look up and to think about “exploding upward.” Trust me, there was no exploding happening with 125 lbs. on my shoulders, but the lesson was not lost on me.
Look up. When going through the struggles of life that feel so heavy, I am reminded to look up to my Higher Power. God is with me. My tea bag the other morning read, “Trust leads to hope.” I must trust in something bigger than myself, including the love that exists in the community all around me. When I feel weak, I can look up for strength.
Envision what you desire. A mind that is focused on the negative can’t succeed. Thinking about and dwelling on the impossibilities, probabilities, and what if’s does not serve me well. Setting a positive mindset of gratitude has a huge impact. And, believing the best and allowing my mind to focus on hope in the hard times, gives me the strength to slowly, shakily stand with each new day.
Sorry you are going through some tough times. Remember how you felt when you got that Pony Express Award last year. I am the same way, though. It seems like the little victories don’t always last and the negatives can pull you down so easily.