I rarely own a piece of clothing that is hand wash or air dry. I’m fairly low maintenance and want to throw all similar-colored items into the washer and dryer. At the most, I might have to turn on the wrinkle-release before wearing. So, to my great surprise, the hand-wash-only and lay-flat-to-dry shirt did not fare well. What started as a size large shirt for me ended up a size small for a 10 year old child. I was shocked at how much it had shrunk.
A Surprising Lesson
Shrinking is something I have found myself doing lately without even noticing. It started with my breath. Instead of relaxed, deep, diaphragm breaths in through my nose, I began to take short little breaths in through my mouth. The shorter the breath the tighter my chest felt. I felt the constriction throughout the core of my body.
Next, it happened with my eyes. I didn’t want to make eye contact. I found myself looking around the room rather than at a person. It seems easier and less uncomfortable to keep my eyes diverted.
Like my shrunken shirt might have been okay if I had machine washed but still air dried, I might have been okay if I had stopped the process of shrinking there. However, the tumbling dry heat of the dryer sealed my shirt’s fate much like my people-pleasing sealed my own.
The Consequence of Shrinking
My opinion began to fade in light of doing what another wanted. Thoughts and ideas were minimally voiced in order to not rock the boat or inconvenience. I didn’t feel like my preferences mattered or should count as much. Opportunity after opportunity tumbled by as I deferred to another and set myself aside.
To my great surprise, I did not fare well. What started about as a vibrant, right-sized woman ended up a faded version of myself feeling unworthy of the space I occupied. I didn’t want to shrink. It wasn’t something I had even realized I was doing, yet I found myself feeling small, hiding, and overwhelmed by the enormity of life.
For me, the first step is awareness. Once I realized what was happening, I spread my arms out wide and took up space. I breathed in deeply through my nose and filled my whole body with beautiful, intoxicating oxygen. Pulling my shoulders back, I stood up straight and stopped saying, “I’m sorry” for every little thing. I lifted my eyes, expressed my voice, and slowly took back my space on the planet.