When I was a little girl, I often tattled on my younger sister. “Mommy, she won’t share her toys with me,” I wined. Sometimes I got my way, and other times I got in trouble.
Years later, as a mother, I heard my own children tell on each other. My go-to response was usually, “Work it out.” The hardest part was not knowing who was telling the truth. Since I hadn’t witnessed the offense, I couldn’t decide who needed to be punished. Honestly, it would have been so much easier if they tattled on themselves: “Mommy, I don’t want to share my toy, so I hit her hand when she reached for my dolly.”
Now, as an adult, I find myself wondering–when was the last time you told on yourself?
Recently, I was excluded from a work email to a group of people I’m part of. My first reaction was offense. The longer I thought about it, the more hurt I felt. I began spinning a story in my mind, complete with a villain and a victim. Deep down, I wanted to tell someone who could make it better, ensure I was included, or reassure me that I hadn’t been dismissed. Then, I caught myself and decided to tattle–not on anyone else, but on me.
The power of honest confession
I called a trusted loved one and confessed, probably with a bit of whining in my tone: “I don’t understand why I was left out. My pride is stung, and I feel hurt. I want to be angry.”
That moment of honesty was freeing. By naming what was happening inside me, I saw the truth – I was upset because things hadn’t gone my way. Life wasn’t unfolding on my terms. Once I laid down my pride and resentment, the heaviness started to lift.
I reached out to the individual directly but didn’t get much clarity. Still, with gentle support from loved ones, I began to see a possible reason for the exclusion. It made sense–and with that understanding, the offense lost its grip.
The truth is, I may never know the full story. But by telling on myself and sharing my honest feelings in a safe space, I could move forward. Keeping those feelings bottled up would have deepened the divide.
As humans, we misunderstand, misinterpret, and take things personally. We feel hurt, excluded, and betrayed. And sometimes–this human especially–forgets to believe the best about others. When I pause long enough to notice what’s happening inside me, I can tattle on myself in a way that sheds light, restores connection, and brings peace.