When I was 15, I went on a mission trip and lived on canal boats with only the basics. There was no electricity to blow dry or curl my hair. I didn’t wear makeup. Aside from the perm I got before the trip, I looked completely natural. And I felt beautiful. I made new friends, developed a small crush and performed confidently with our drama team in town squares across the region.
But when I returned home, everything had changed. My parents had moved while I was away, and I found myself starting a new high school–Rocky Mountain High in Fort Collins with over a thousand students. That’s when the slow fade began. As I looked in the mirror, I started to dislike what I saw. I didn’t feel pretty enough, cool enough, or fashionable enough. For the first time, I felt like I needed to add something to be beautiful.
Fast forward 30 years: post-divorce, I’m trying to reconnect with myself. The people in my life seem to value me for who I am, not how I look. Tired of the routine of makeup and styled hair, I decide to try to return to something closer to my natural self. It’s harder than I expected. People ask if I’m tired or unwell. I don’t match the standard our culture holds up, and I feel that every time I look in the mirror.
For years now, I’ve wrestled with wanting to feel beautiful without all of the extras. That feeling still escapes me most days. One of the hardest parts to accept is my eyes. With fair skin and naturally strawberry-blond hair, my lashes are light, thin, and short–the opposite of the dark, thick lashes celebrated in every commercial, photo, and beauty ad.
Then one day, I saw Pamela Anderson. Yes, the iconic Baywatch actress–now older and with barely any makeup. At first, I hardly recognized her. But as they flashed a photo of her younger self, I was stunned. For the first time, I saw someone celebrated in Glamour who looked something like me. She was radiant in her simplicity. And, I exhaled, as if breathing freely for the first time.
To those who love makeup and the art of transforming your look–keep doing what brings you joy. There’s no judgement here. Your creativity is a beautiful expression.
To those who feel they can’t leave the house without being “put together,” I hope you find the quiet confidence that you’re already beautiful–exactly as you are.
Society doesn’t get to define beauty. My social media feed might be full hacks to erase wrinkles, brighten eyes, and blur every sign of age–but I’m choosing a different path. I want to reclaim the confidence I had at 15. I want to age with grace, wear every line as an indicator of a full life, and let my most beautiful quality be my heart–and the light that shines from my eyes.