I had a conversation with my son the other day about brushing teeth. Yes, he is an adult, so no, I don’t need to remind him to brush. Still, the conversation took an unexpected turn. I asked whether he rinsed his mouth with warm or cold water after brushing.
You see, it has never occurred to me to rinse with anything other than cold water. For more than five decades of brushing my teeth, I have always rinsed my mouth with cold tap water. Always.
Beyond the habit
Then, I discovered that someone dear to me rinses with warm water. I learned this quite by accident. Brushing our teeth side by side, I reached for the water to rinse and discovered that it was warm, almost hot. Repelled by the idea, I quickly withdrew with an audible, “eww.”
As I shared this experience with my son, I reflected on how such a simple moment reminded me that not everyone thinks and operates the way I do. That may seem obvious, but when you live inside your own brain, it’s easy to forget that entirely different views, opinions, perspectives, and experiences exist outside of your own.
To my surprise, my son announced that he doesn’t rinse his mouth at all after brushing. At all. Apparently, a dentist told him that leaving the fluoride from the toothpaste on his teeth is beneficial. I was stunned.
If people close to me can hold such differing views on something as simple as rinsing after brushing, then no wonder an entire nation struggles with differing perspectives on far more complex issues. It’s easy to see the world only through the lens most familiar to us and to forget that there are other approaches–often many of them– to every topic.
Keep the conversation
The bigger struggle for me arises when the subject isn’t as innocuous as brushing teeth. A dear friend sat across the table from me this past week and admitted that she didn’t know if she was doing enough in the face of widespread controversy. When issues carry greater weight, teetering toward injustice, it becomes harder to understand all the angles or to know when to stand up for what seems right to me.
This is when listening becomes imperative. We cannot understand what we refuse to hear. Speaking the truth in love matters, too. I can offer a different approach respectfully. And when the time comes to act, to take a stand, to speak out, and to demand change, we must not let ourselves or others down.
The truth is, the teeth got brushed in the mouths of all three individuals, despite their different rinsing approaches.
And maybe that’s worth remembering when the differences aren’t quite so simple, and the temptation to pull away feels stronger than the invitation to stay curious.