I watched as someone spoke, her voice catching as tears filled her eyes. Gratitude and love rose up in her words, and the emotion moved me. She spoke about the people who had stood by her during a hard season and how deeply their presence mattered.
Then she quickly apologized, dabbing tears away from her eyes.
It breaks my heart that so many of us feel afraid or ashamed to cry. I’ve seen it again and again: the quick apology, the hope that no one noticed. Somewhere along the way we learned that tears make us weak or dramatic.
Growing up, I heard the familiar lines: “Quit your crying before I give you something to cry about.” Or, when I fell down, “Don’t cry, you’re okay. Just rub some dirt in it.” I can’t recall a single incident when someone encouraged me by saying, “It’s okay to cry. Let it all out. Your tears matter.”
Over the years, I’ve come to believe God gave us emotions as a gift–all of them. The moment pure rapture and delight washes over you is just as sacred as the moment waves of sobs roll through your body. Goosebumps, tears, laughter and shivers are the body’s way of telling the truth. From frustration and anger to excitement and confidence, the array of emotions offer a rich, vibrant palette from which the beauty of life is painted.
There was once a time in my life when I tried to shut down anything that didn’t feel “good.” I only wanted to feel joy, love, peace, happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance. I didn’t want to feel irrititation, insult, disapproval, envy, or betrayal. But the more I tried to deny the harder emotions, the more the other emotions faded and felt less vibrant.
During a time when I shut down the most emotionally, a counselor told me something that changed everything: I can’t pick and choose which emotions to feel. If I numb some, I numb them all. Yet, if I am brave enough to feel some, I open the door to feel them all.
That truth changed me. It taught me to treasure tears. I’ve learned to let myself cry until I can’t. I have also screamed at the top of my lungs. I’ve pounded the steering wheel when life felt too heavy. I’ve allowed myself to feel it all.
Because I want to live a life in full color and to hold space for others to experience the beautiful spectrum of a life where every emotion belongs.