I am a “words girl”. Words mean more to me. I am good at putting words into writing and when speaking. When someone uses words to compliment me, the whole world brightens a little. When harsh words are spoken, they are devastating and stick with me longer than is beneficial. My top Love Language is words of affirmation. And, when I was growing up, I never believed the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
Words said to me when I was 16 by someone who is no longer living still circle my brain. Something someone says can haunt me for years or decades. I have been caught in the words of a predator, believed the wonderful world that was weaved, and became prey to devour and toss away. Friendships have been built on kind and encouraging words that I believed, only to have them crumble into dust with no true foundation of trust and authenticity built. At times, I have wished that I wasn’t a “words girl.”
And then I met someone who is not a words person. This person values actions over words and rarely says words that many say so easily. At first, I wasn’t sure that I could be friends with an “action person.” It felt as foreign to me as walking along the streets of France. I couldn’t understand interactions without words any more than I could understand French. Yet, over time, I come to appreciate the beauty of the actions over words, the truth in the reality over the fantasy in the story. Something inside of me began to shift.
Recently, I was listening to a woman speak in front of a fairly large group. The words were eloquent, inspirational, and well-said. However, my experience of the woman in day-to-day life did not match the words I was hearing. Her actions caused a contradiction which hindered my ability to value the words. For the first time that I can remember, I was aware that being a “words girl” with the ability to say wonderful words means nothing if I don’t take the actions and live the life that supports those words and builds trust with those around me. Similarly, my actions can do irreparable damage to the words I speak if they contradict. It made me realize how much I want to be an “action girl.”
I’m still a “words girl,” which will probably always be true. However, now I look for words that are authenticated by actions in both myself and others. I have begun to value the words that are offered in support of my experience rather than allowing the words to create my experience. I am learning to no longer be gaslighted by the words around me. I am also learning to be careful that my actions speak louder than my words. Sticks, stones, and words can build fires, homes, and relationships. They only hurt when they are not being used correctly.