Being alone can be scary but empowering.

Some experiences one must do alone. Recently, my loved one had a significant surgery. I’ll never forget the moment they wheeled her away to surgery. She had to go alone. Of course, doctors and nurses accompanied her. I also had just reminded her that she is never alone because God would be there holding her hand. But, as they wheeled her away, I knew she had to do this alone. Only she could walk through the experience. It was not something I could share or take or lighten or ease. 

Later in the hospital, while she was recovering, I experienced some hurtful words. Perhaps the lack of sleep and unusual stress had made me a little vulnerable, but tears welled up in my eyes. I reached out to a friend to share and receive some comfort. I’ll never forget her response. “It’s completely understandable to be sensitive today. It’s a lot! What is something small you can do for self care today?” This was something I needed to do alone. Of course, I have people in my life who care and offer support. I also know God loves me and provides comfort. But I, alone, was walking through the experience and needed to care for myself. 

Someone once told me that I am the only one with me when I am born and when I die. No one can experience my entry into or my exit from life except me. I know my parents were there when I was born and I trust loved ones will be there when I die. But, I alone will be with myself in those moments. The point the person was making is that I am the most important person to myself. I bristled at both thoughts, yet the truth has slowly settled on me. I must love and care for myself because I am the only me I have. 

My friend texted me some self-care ideas in the hospital that day because I couldn’t think of anything to do for myself. I’ve been poor at the task, so it comes easier to me to take care of everyone else. “Simple self care ideas: Take a Power Nap, Hydrate, Journal, Stretch, Meditate.” Wow! Those were great ideas and so simple. I chose a couple and then added one of my own: speak up for myself. 

Only my loved one could go through the surgery, but she has had a huge community surrounding her with love, support and prayers. Only I could walk through my hurt that day, but I have a support system of family and friends who love me. Only an individual can offer herself the self love and care that is needed even though she is loved and supported. It’s not an outside job because everyone has experiences she must do alone.